Exploring 100+ funny Confucius quotes: Chuckling with wisdom

Published by Reaz Hasan on July 13, 2023July 13, 2023

Welcome to the realm of Confucius, the ancient Chinese philosopher whose teachings have inspired generations. Beyond his profound insights into life, Confucius also possessed a keen wit that is often overlooked.

In this compilation, we will explore some of Confucius’ most humorous quotes, shining a light on his lighter side. These funny anecdotes provide a refreshing perspective, showcasing how even the greatest thinkers can embrace laughter and amusement.

So, if you’re in need of a good chuckle or a clever twist on everyday wisdom, dive into this collection of Confucius’ funny quotes that are sure to bring a smile to your face!

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Funny Confucius Quotes: A Playful and Wise Twist

Are you ready to embark on a journey filled with wit, wisdom, and laughter? Join me as we delve into the delightful world of funny Confucius quotes! Brace yourself for some intriguing insights wrapped in humor.

1. “Man who drops watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.” – Confucius
2. “He who laughs last, probably didn’t get the joke.” – Confucius
3. “Wise man say, ‘Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.'” – Confucius
4. “Man who eat too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.” – Confucius
5. “Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.” – Confucius
6. “Man who run behind car get exhausted, but man who run in front of car get tired.” – Confucius
7. “He who fails to plan, plans to have a funny story.” – Confucius
8. “Man who sticks head in freezer gets fresh perspective.” – Confucius
9. “Stand-up comedians never die, they just lose their audience.” – Confucius
10. “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” – Confucius
11. “A day without sunshine is like, well, night.” – Confucius
12. “Man who falls in vat of molten glass makes spectacle of himself.” – Confucius
13. “Marriage is like a game of poker, it starts with a pair and ends with a full house.” – Confucius
14. “He who laughs at himself never runs out of material.” – Confucius
15. “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Confucius
16. “Man who gives away secrets without reserve usually remains silent in bed.” – Confucius
17. “The secret to success is to know something nobody else knows and work for somebody who doesn’t.” – Confucius
18. “Inside me is a skinny woman trying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies.” – Confucius
19. “Man who farts in church sits in own pew.” – Confucius
20. “A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.” – Confucius

Confucius jokes about conjugal confusions

Here are some lighthearted jokes related to conjugal confusions:

1. “Confucius say, man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.”
2. “Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.”
3. “Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.”
4. “Confucius say, man who fish in other man’s pond often catch crabs.”
5. “Confucius say, wife who put husband in the doghouse may find him in the ‘puppy love’ phase.”
6. “Confucius say, man who loses key to girlfriend’s heart should check under the welcome mat.”
7. “Confucius say, woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot not very sanitary.”
8. “Confucius say, man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.”
9. “Confucius say, marriage is like deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
10. “Confucius say, man who tells wife he loves her all the time is exaggerating, or worse, in trouble.”

Remember, these are just jokes for a bit of humor, and not to be taken too seriously.

Funny Confucius sayings that leave nothing behind

Here are some humorous Confucius sayings that leave nothing behind:

1. “Confucius say, man who stand on toilet high on pot but leaves no evidence.”
2. “Confucius say, man who goes to bed with an itchy bum wakes up with a stinky finger.”
3. “Confucius say, man who drops watch in toilet has a crappy time.”
4. “Confucius say, man who pushes piano down a mine shaft get A-flat minor.”
5. “Confucius say, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.”
6. “Confucius say, man who eats dynamite may get a bang out of it but leaves nothing behind.”
7. “Confucius say, man who scratches rear should not bite fingernails.”
8. “Confucius say, man who wants to catch a squirrel must climb a tree and leaves nothing behind but leaves.”
9. “Confucius say, man who jump off cliff jump to a conclusion but leaves no ground to stand on.”
10. “Confucius say, man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss rattlesnakes.”

These sayings are meant to be funny and light-hearted, leaving nothing behind but a good laugh.

Sweet but not so innocent Funny Confucius Sayings About Girls

Here are some humorous Confucius sayings about girls that are sweet but not so innocent:

1. “Confucius say, girl who’s sweet as honey often stirs up quite a buzz.”
2. “Confucius say, girl who blushes like a rose may have thorns.”
3. “Confucius say, girl who can make a man’s heart skip a beat is probably a cardiologist.”
4. “Confucius say, girl who’s as charming as a spring breeze can also bring a storm of emotions.”
5. “Confucius say, girl who can light up a room probably forgot to pay the electricity bill.”
6. “Confucius say, girl who giggles at your jokes may have a great sense of humor or be a really good actor.”
7. “Confucius say, girl who dances like nobody’s watching probably needs more dance lessons.”
8. “Confucius say, girl who can make you smile on a rainy day is a ray of sunshine in your life.”
9. “Confucius say, girl who can multitask might be texting her friends about you while talking to you.”
10. “Confucius say, girl who says she has enough shoes is probably hiding a secret shoe closet.”

These sayings playfully highlight the sweet and sometimes not-so-innocent aspects of girls in a light-hearted manner.

Hilarious Confucius Sayings That Let Money Do the Talking

Here are some hilarious Confucius sayings that let money do the talking:

1. “Confucius say, man who makes money in the stock market is good at predicting the future, or really lucky.”
2. “Confucius say, man who invests in a bakery is just looking for some ‘dough.'”
3. “Confucius say, woman who marries a billionaire must learn to love dollar bills and deal with ‘cents’ of humor.”
4. “Confucius say, man who puts all his money in a wishing well must be hoping for some ‘liquid’ assets.”
5. “Confucius say, man who chases after money often loses his ‘cents’ of direction.”
6. “Confucius say, woman who thinks money can’t buy happiness hasn’t tried online shopping.”
7. “Confucius say, man who goes to a casino and loses his shirt should at least hope it’s a designer shirt.”
8. “Confucius say, man who finds a penny and picks it up may have good luck or just clean streets.”
9. “Confucius say, woman who lends money to a friend often loses both the money and the friend.”
10. “Confucius say, man who talks about money all the time probably has a wealth of insecurity.”

These sayings humorously emphasize the role of money in our lives and the sometimes absurd ways people chase after it.

Funny Confucius sayings that may require medical attention

Here are some funny Confucius sayings that may require medical attention, but they’re meant purely for humor:

1. “Confucius say, man who tries to touch his nose with his elbow may need a doctor for a dislocated shoulder.”
2. “Confucius say, woman who thinks she can fly without wings should prepare for an ambulance landing.”
3. “Confucius say, man who swallows a dictionary may need a surgeon for a word extraction.”
4. “Confucius say, person who attempts to juggle chainsaws without training might need a visit to the ER.”
5. “Confucius say, man who eats a clock may need a gastrointestinal specialist for some timely digestion.”
6. “Confucius say, woman who walks into a glass door might need an ophthalmologist and a lesson in spatial awareness.”
7. “Confucius say, man who challenges a grizzly bear to a thumb-wrestling match could use a first aid kit, or a priest.”
8. “Confucius say, person who tries to high-five a porcupine might end up needing a dermatologist.”
9. “Confucius say, man who attempts to run through a brick wall might require a mason’s assistance.”
10. “Confucius say, woman who thinks she can swim in a pool of chocolate may need a dentist, not a lifeguard.”

Please note that these sayings are purely for comedic purposes and should not be taken seriously.

Funny Confucius Quotes That Lighten Your Day

Here are some funny Confucius quotes that are sure to lighten your day:

1. “Confucius say, man who stands on toilet is high on pot.”
2. “Confucius say, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.”
3. “Confucius say, man who falls in vat of molasses makes a slow recovery.”
4. “Confucius say, man who jumps off a cliff jumps to a conclusion.”
5. “Confucius say, man who eats many prunes gets good run for his money.”
6. “Confucius say, man who sneezes without a tissue takes matters into his own hands.”
7. “Confucius say, man who puts head in the oven is a baker.”
8. “Confucius say, man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly finger.”
9. “Confucius say, man who keeps feet on ground have trouble putting on pants.”
10. “Confucius say, man who eats dynamite may get a blast out of it.”

These humorous sayings are meant to bring a smile to your face and lighten your day with a touch of wit.

Why Confucius Quotes?

Are you tired of the same old, mundane quotes that lack excitement? Look no further! Confucius, the revered Chinese philosopher, brings a unique touch of humor to his teachings. So, if you’re seeking a fresh perspective that can lighten up your day, these funny Confucius quotes are just what you need!

Unveiling the Witty Wisdom

Let’s dive straight into some amusing Confucius quotes that will tickle your funny bone while offering a nugget of wisdom:

“Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.”

Confucius reveals a practical observation wrapped in humor. It reminds us to focus on realistic goals and not exhaust ourselves needlessly.

“He who drops watch in toilet has shitty time.”

Here, Confucius’s playful twist reminds us to be cautious and mindful of our actions to avoid unnecessary troubles.

“Man who eat too many prunes sit on toilet many moons.”

Through this comical quote, Confucius not only entertains but also gives a subtle advice about moderation and its impact on our well-being.

Bringing Laughter and Life Lessons Together

Isn’t it refreshing to have wisdom sliced with humor? Funny Confucius quotes not only put a smile on our faces but also hold valuable life lessons. Let’s explore one more:

“Man who fart in church sits in own pew.”

Beyond the laughter, Confucius reminds us to be mindful of our actions and their consequences, urging us to respect our surroundings.

FAQ’S

1. What are some of the funniest Confucius quotes?

Confucius is known for his wise and thought-provoking sayings, but he also had a touch of humor. Here are a few funny Confucius quotes:

• “Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.”
• “Man who sit on tack get the point.”
• “Man who jumps off a cliff jumps to conclusion.”
• “Man with one chopstick go hungry.”
• “Man who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.”

2. Did Confucius only share serious philosophical quotes?

No, Confucius’ teachings covered various aspects of life, and some of his quotes had a touch of humor. While he is best known for his deep philosophical sayings, he also used wit and humor to convey his ideas and engage his students.

3. Why are funny Confucius quotes popular?

Funny Confucius quotes have gained popularity because they combine humor with wisdom. They provide a lighthearted perspective on life’s situations while still imparting an underlying lesson or message. These quotes offer a unique blend of amusement and insight that resonates with many people.

4. Are funny Confucius quotes authentic?

While some of the funny Confucius quotes attributed to him may not be entirely authentic, they have become part of popular culture over time. These quotes often reflect the spirit of Confucius’ teachings and the wit he was known to possess. Whether completely authentic or not, they continue to bring joy and laughter to many.

5. Can funny Confucius quotes be applied in daily life?

Absolutely! Funny Confucius quotes, like any form of humor, can be used to lighten up situations and bring a smile to people’s faces. They can serve as icebreakers, conversation starters, or even as a way to diffuse tension. Incorporating these witty quotes into daily life can add a touch of humor and perspective to various situations.

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Conclusion

In conclusion, funny Confucius quotes offer a lighthearted twist on the wisdom and teachings of the influential Chinese philosopher. These humorous quotes provide a unique perspective on life, relationships, and personal growth while still retaining the essence of Confucius’ teachings. Whether to bring a smile to your face or to provoke thought, these quotes remind us that even profound wisdom can be expressed with a touch of humor. So, let these witty and entertaining quotes brighten your day and bring joy to your soul.